Guilt & Shame
“Unlike guilt, which is the feeling of doing something wrong, shame is the feeling of being something wrong.”
Hello Friends,
Last week I discussed self-control, the primary enabler that leads to our self-guilt and shame. When we lose or lack control of our being, feelings of shame and guilt can take over. The sense of self-guilt and shame is our conscious, indicating that we are in pain or distress caused by failure, foolish behavior, or wrongdoing. Guilt can be caused by doing wrong, whereas shame impacts our self-perception. Please keep in mind that both work together. It is human to make mistakes and have shortcomings, and these shortcomings can help us gain wisdom when the mindset is moving to the next step of creating action from what we learned.
When shame and guilt are avoided, it can have adverse side effects such as blame and anger, which can enable the behavior from being resolved. This anger and blame can be internalized, making our minds sick. These feelings can be projected onto others, which can affect relationships. Feelings of anger and blame may relieve the pain for a short time. However, if the root of the guilt and shame are not examined, and action is made for change, then the cycle of it will continue to rotate. A good analogy is in a hamster wheel of our failure or wrongdoing. We will just keep running past it, expecting it to disappear, and it will not because you haven’t stepped off the wheel.
Let’s not get stuck in the mental hamster wheel of self-guilt and shame with the commitment to start with the mindset of moving onward to make progress with purpose and understanding that leads to fulfillment. The tips below can enable new thought patterns and habits when action is top of mind.
Tips #1: Leave the Thought Forest
The thought forest is where our minds get lost in our thoughts, similar to getting lost in a forest. We keep thinking and going down paths of ideas that can lead to guilt and shame. It can become self-destructive when deciding to stay on the guilt and shame path in the thought forest. We may start criticizing or judging ourselves, leading to thoughts or feelings of being worthless or unimportant. Taking accountability and creating action to move forward makes it easier to leave the forest behind.
At the beginning of feelings of guilt or shame or when you feel you are getting lost in the thought forest, I recommend asking yourself some basic questions. The answers to these questions give a perspective of the situation we are attempting to gain insight into, intending to let go of self-critical thoughts.
1. Why do I feel guilty or shameful?
2. Is this worth my energy?
3. Is my inner voice accurate?
4. If my voice is accurate, how can I change future actions for the better?
If there is nothing you can do about the situation, then it may be time to move on and release the thoughts and feelings. Keep in mind that you are moving to the next step of creating action that moves onward by making progress with new purpose and understanding.
Tip #2 Positive Self-Talk
A positive self-talk is a tool used to counter self-guilt and shame. Positive self-talk replaces feelings of guilt and shame that lead to the act of forgiving yourself. This is needed to build your compassion, vulnerability, self-love, and self-worth. When we allow negative talk and thoughts to ruminate, it begins to infect the mind, and we start to believe these negative comments. If these comments are released for others to hear, it can result in people having ill preconceived opinions about you.
Sometimes, these other people begin to believe they can treat you negatively, which is why working through the self-guilt and shame is essential to moving forward with growth. Commit to recognizing negative self-talk, then take action for yourself by allowing the negative thoughts to come in and out of your mind like the air you breathe. A new day begins every day, allowing us to be better than we have been the day before.
Holding on to shame and guilt can become self-destructive and affect your mind, body, and spirit. Let’s let go of the guilt and shame by understanding why feelings are there and if they are valid. When they are accurate, the focus should be moving to the next step of creating action from what we learned by asking ourselves questions to gain knowledge and growth. When the feeling is not valid, practice letting them in and out like the air you breathe.
Stay tuned for next week’s blog! I will be posting about overcoming fear.
If you enjoyed this blog, I would be very grateful if you subscribe and help spread the message to your friends, family, or anyone you have on social media!
Many blessings, and remember, you are a miracle!