Manipulation
“If you don’t give education to people, it is easy to manipulate them. ”
Hello friends,
We may have experienced some form of manipulation in our lives from a pushy salesperson or a loved one whose belief is that you are obligated to do something because you can. Being able to spot when we are being manipulated is the first step to not getting taken advantage of and putting yourself in confrontations you didn't want to engage. Manipulation is an attempt to take away a person's free will and replace it with another’s motives without regard to the values of dignity of the other person. It is a form of wanting to control something or someone for personal advantage, often unfairly or dishonestly. When being manipulated, the person is messing with their mental by using fear, guilt, or obligation to convince them to do something they don't want to do. There are many forms of manipulation; two noticeable ones are the bully and the victim. The bully uses fear tactics such as threats, aggression, intimidation, and statistics to get their way. The bully can be aggressive or intellectual. These people will either overwhelm you with facts or raise their voices with negative emotions and aggressive behaviors to sway you into backing down and giving them what they want. The victim manipulator has difficulty asking for what they need, expressing needs through complaints or regret. They also accuse others of being insensitive or having a lack of concern or interest for them when a person is discussing discontentment about them. Regardless of how the manipulator does their dirty work, they only do things when strings are attached. They have expectations that are not verbalized, and when these expectations are not met, they will make you feel ungrateful and disrespect your decision. Now that we have a picture of a manipulator, here are some tips to spot Manipulation and how you can combat it.
The easiest way to spot a manipulator is when someone wants to control another person. Keep an eye out for the people who are not allowing others to choose their actions or responses by overpowering them somehow. People who want control will use bullying, dominating, or restraining tactics to get what they want. The next time you believe you are being manipulated, consider if the person is trying to override your choice and make you do what they want without regard to your values or dignity. If you feel controlled or coerced, it is time to establish some boundaries.
Establishing and standing firm with boundaries is essential to combating a manipulator. Boundaries help protect you, and enforcing them shows there are consequences when they're broken. Discussing limits with the manipulator one on one is the best approach. However, suppose you know the person doesn't do well with confrontation. In that case, the best practice is to get professional help or input, this way, there is a fair approach for both, and the manipulator will not be able to blame you for the complications. Keep in mind that manipulators will push the boundaries, which may put distance between the manipulator and yourself. In some cases, some must eliminate all contact with this person to improve their mental health.
Another way to combat a manipulator is to have a delayed response before committing to the person. Manipulators pressure you for their plan, sometimes convincing you to do or make decisions you aren't ready for. They do this in hopes that you will give in to their demands. Giving yourself time to think about what you want to do, leads to clear thinking to avoid getting into uncomfortable predicaments. I have a 24-hour rule that I apply for making decisions. This time allows me to consider the pros and cons without feeling pressured. This tactic has helped me avoid committing myself to something I am unprepared for.
Manipulators will scare, coerce, criticize, guilt trip, blame, intimidate, and abuse to get their way. Their main goal is to gain control and rob you of your values and dignity. To combat these tactics, establish some boundaries and create a delayed response with the person. Keep in mind that boundaries help protect you, and when you enforce them, it shows that there are consequences when they're broken, making you look more credible. These tactics will show the manipulator that their pressure of fear, guilt, or obligation does not affect you.
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