Anger
“There are two things a person should never be angry at, what they can help, and what they cannot. ”
Hi Friends,
A story recently caught my attention in the news, resulting in a shooting. It was reported a person honked at another because they were merging into their lane and almost hit them. Sounds straightforward. The person was practicing excellent defensive driving skills. Many of us are taught that using our horns brings awareness to all around us, then why would a person get shot? Throughout the day, I thought about this story and a theory about why someone would shoot another for honking a horn to help all on the road. My theory is anger. I am not a psychiatrist or psychologist and cannot diagnose this person, and I do not have all the story details. I only want to bring light to a topic that most of us come across more often than we think, anger. We see people display acts of anger or aggression in most movies, music, tv shows, politics, and even in our own homes.
Anger is a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility ignited by the need to preserve personal worth, essential needs, and fundamental convictions. Anger comes when you need to communicate that your boundaries are violated. It can come out in various ways; two common areas are physical and verbal. Physical anger can be throwing, breaking, and hitting items or people. Verbal anger can be yelling, cussing, and using sarcasm. Unresolved anger over time can lead to aggression, which is intentional behavior that aims to harm or hurt another. Having erratic displays of anger and aggression can cause hurt and regrets. To combat the negative behaviors, we need to start at the root. Which often identifies reasons for annoyance, control, displeasure, or hostility. Anger is not all bad; it can help us in times of need, such as fighting for a cause, survival instincts, and injustice. I believe that how we release this anger determines the outcome of helping or hindering ourselves and others.
Tip #1: Slow to Speak and Act:
When in the heat of the moment, we say things or do things that we may later regret. Being slow to speak helps prepare what you want to get out without being hostile or inconsiderate. When time is taken to think about what comes out of your mouth, more constructive phrases and points are communicated, decreasing misunderstandings and escalation to physical anger or aggression. It is perfectly fine to take a few seconds to gather your thoughts and formulate the best way to express them. Do not give in to the pressure that you need to respond quickly. Displaying that you took the time to say your words speaks volumes for your character.
Tip#2: Take a Break:
The perfect time to break is when feelings, words, and voices begin to escalate. The best way to determine when a break is needed is when the body starts to be affected, such as heart rate fluctuation, muscle tension, or shaking. Taking a break allows the brain to come down from high emotions, allowing the body, mind, and spirit to re-center. Use this time in a productive way, such as going for a walk, completing a task, or writing in a journal. Taking this time can help you identify discontentment and practice how to verbalize it. It also allows you to have the space to take accountability for your thoughts and feelings, then express them if you want action and change.
Tip#3: Express Anger with Words:
Discussing anger can be daunting; however, to release the anger, you need to discuss your impositions. Take time to gather your reasons for disapproval, annoyance, or irritation with the situation, and then express this discontent with a good tone and without demeaning remarks. As an individual or team, create a new standard of communicating feelings or thoughts and work towards further actions and behaviors to eliminate the roots of frustration. Embrace the understanding that not everyone will have the same viewpoints or be open to discussing and working through anger. When feelings of anger are not discussed and resolved, it can lead to other negative emotions such as hostility or retaliation towards a person that may cause more conflicts. When our anger is discussed and resolved, we work towards eliminating our negative baggage. Remember that people cannot read our minds, so this is the best time to share what’s in yours!
Tip#4: Practice Forgiveness:
Forgiveness is a necessary action regarding anger within us and others. Forgiveness is a mindset of moving onward to make progress with purpose and understanding as we gain knowledge and grow. I recommend the Life Kit Podcast “Why forgiving others heals you.” if you have difficulty forgiving yourself and others.
We should practice patience with our actions, thoughts, and words to eliminate negative responses to anger. Doing so may decrease regrets and apologies. Lastly, I'd recommend anger management if you have difficulty controlling your anger. From experience, it helps slow the brain down to think about reactions and responses. It also helps get to the root of bitterness and provides techniques to counter it.
Stay tuned for next week’s blog!
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Many blessings, and remember, you are a miracle!